My husband probably took about a year to come to terms with our son being gay, possibly because he had lost his gay cousin to suicide years ago. However, soon after, my husband volunteered to do the newsletter for PFLAG and we have since become advocates for the basic human rights of gay people.
Our son and his partner of six years are very involved with our immediate family and our extended family. They were sadly missed from our Father’s Day celebrations on Sunday, as they are spending a year in the UK. We hope that our son and his partner could have a family of their own one day, as they are both so good with children. They are both doting godparents to two of my nephew’s children and one of their friend’s children. They are very popular babysitters.
Through PFLAG, we have become close to two wonderful young gay men who have fathered children through surrogacy. The way that they love and care for these children is an inspiration to all. They are a quiet, unassuming couple, who don’t wish to be in the public arena, but will automatically further the acceptance of diversity as they go about their daily lives. To me they should be “Fathers of the Year”.
Having been involved with PFLAG for almost a decade, I can honestly say that my life has been enriched by having a gay son. I would never have had the opportunity to meet and become friends with such a wonderful diverse group of people. The love and compassion that emanates from parents and families, affected by a gay member, never ceases to inspire me.
I don’t find it so surprising to see mothers cry when they are talking about the love that they have for their gay or lesbian children. After all, most mothers have a strong maternal instinct. However, when I see fathers cry on telling their stories of having a gay child, it always reduces me to tears, as they are not crying because they are upset about having a gay child, but because their relationship with that child has become enhanced and the bond between them has been strengthened. The power of unconditional love is palpable.
I can recall many occasions when I have experienced this outpouring of love of fathers for their gay child. One of our long-term members, an octogenarian, always relates that the stand-out experience of his life was when his son walked arm-in-arm with him in the Mardi Gras march. Another father, after viewing the movie “MILK”, which told the story of the murder of San Francisco gay rights advocate, Harvey Milk, was impelled to immediately phone his gay son and tell him that he loved him. Another father, a self-proclaimed homophobic, on hearing that his son was gay, immediately went to the library to educate himself on homosexuality, as he loved his son and did not want to lose him. This father is a past president of PFLAG and still uses every opportunity to educate others on acceptance of diversity.
I wish all the dad’s I have met through PFLAG, and all fathers a wonderful “Fathers’ Day” for yesterday.
Judy Brown is President PFLAG NSW Inc. Over 10 years ago, Judy and her husband and learnt their son was gay. After going through what can only be described as a grieving process, they, with the support of others, finally reached a point of understanding and acceptance. Through PFLAG (Parents, families and friends of lesbians and gays) they aim to bring this understanding and acceptance of diversity to the community
