Letting your children go
Protecting one’s children from hurt and disappointment is a primal instinct. Cherisse Khoury however advises parents to let them find their own ways of defending themselves.
Many a battle has been fought here, many a tear shed. Blood strewn, souls hurt and hearts broken. The worn out gravel beneath plays host to the hardest fall that breaks not only skin and bones, but most significantly the fragile ego beneath. How many countless acts of violence, sabotage and torture are conducted in this place daily? Anarchy, where the assailants run free and the law of the jungle is never more clearly in play than as it is right here, on this, the playground.
As I’m sure every parent can confirm, one of the hardest lessons of parenting is learning to let go. Letting go of the urge to slap the 3 year old boy kicking sand in your little angel’s eye and refraining from yanking the hair of the 5 year old that breaks your little boy’s fragile heart of 4 1/2 years by telling him that she can never love him, because he is a baby. Of course, at this age, a single ice-cream can be produced and all of the worries of the day can magically disappear!
How often I’ve wanted to get involved and protect my children, step in as a knight in shining armour and defend their honour, but I know that this will never teach them anything about the battlefields that lie ahead of them for the rest of their lives. Mum will not be around in that boardroom when their boss is humiliating them in front of their team or be around when the 16 year old insufferable boyfriend is found canoodling with my little girl’s best friend. These are times when they will need to draw on the years of social experience that have led them to this point and fending for oneself on the playground is a an invaluable starting point.
Bullying is a very real and harrowing phenomenon that is all too present in the world today, whether it be in the boardroom, our social circles, cyber space and most prevalent of all, at school. The Federal Government estimates that one student in four in Australian schools is affected by bullying and that kids who are bullied are 3 times more likely to show depressive symptoms, according to the Centre for Adolescent Health. This of course is an area where stepping in as a parent is vitally important. Perhaps not to referee the bullying itself, but rather at the more important point which is at our children’s end by showing comfort and support and by guiding them through the possible coping mechanisms that will get them through to the other side.
As I watch my children grow, my heart breaks a little because I know what lies ahead of them. I know that an ice-cream will not ease the pain for very much longer (although it will always help!) I know that along with the magic of friendships formed, friendships lost will be hard to deal with and that a broken heart will be the hardest of all to heal. And so, because I love them, I need to let go and look on from a safe distance and watch as they find their own ways of defending themselves and those that they care about. But it certainly is no easy feat! A saying that someone once told me before I became a parent rings true more and more; that ‘having a child is like consenting to have your heart go wandering around outside of your body for the rest of your life.’
Cherisse Khoury is a South African immigrant living in Australia along with her husband Dr. Bryan Khoury, raising their two children Jude and Zara. Cherisse completed a Bachelors degree in Journalism at the University of Johannesburg with majors in Economics and English. This was followed by a Post Graduate year in Management at Wits Business School. Cherisse has worked for Accenture South Africa as a senior business analyst; for L’Oreal Paris as a marketing brand manager as well as for Morgan Stanley London in the analytics and strategy division.
