Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

“We know that no one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it.” – George Orwell

Amidst a cesspit of escalating sleaze, organised spivvery and systemic incompetence the LNP coalition government under its sanctimonious mooncalf attempted to secure a fourth consecutive term in office. It announced a federal election, which was held on 21^st May 2022. The hubris increased exponentially but SS Neoliberal saw the writing on the wall and rapidly deserted the rat.

The ALP under Anthony Albanese was successfully elected and achieved majority government with 77 seats but it was certainly no landslide victory or bloodbath. The member for Grayndler was sworn in as prime minister and enjoyed a prolonged honeymoon, which involved several symbolic triumphs. These included dropping the Commonwealth prosecution and persecution of Bernard Collaery, establishment of a Royal Commission into the Robodebt scheme and creation of the National Anti-Corruption Commission.

Meanwhile the precise magnitude of the malfeasance and bungling ineptitude of the previous LNP coalition government was soon revealed. The former prime minister was eventually censured by the house of representatives over failing to disclose extra ministerial appointments. This deceptive manipulation of authority was reminiscent of Adolf Hitler’s exploitation of Germany’s 1933 Enabling Act and accretion of power. It enabled the despot to circumvent the Reichstag and override ministers, reconstruct ministries and govern without parliamentary restraint.

Our smug evangelist’s theocratic quest for power eroded public trust in Australia’s democracy and undermined the principles of good governance. The member for Cook refused to resign and merely retreated to the opposition backbenches or transit lounge and ponged like a wet dog until securing a sinecure as the vice chair of American Global Strategies.

The End of Albanese’s Honeymoon

Anthony Albanese was riding the crest of a wave until October 2023, when the Voice referendum was comprehensively defeated and additional concerning cracks appeared. The shady mediocre performance of several senior ministers including Richard Marles, Tanya Plibersek, Chris Bowen, Andrew Giles, Mark Dreyfus and Clare O’Neil came under increasing scrutiny and the prime minister’s confidence visibly waned, especially during the pageantry of parliamentary question time.

Meanwhile, the National Anti-Corruption Commission (NACC) was heavily criticised following its initial reluctance to proceed with an investigation into the Robodebt referrals. The decision was understandable since proving criminal negligence to a standard of beyond reasonable doubt and a guilty mind (mens rea) is an onerous task with an extremely high burden of proof. Nevertheless, it recently reconsidered its controversial decision and will investigate the referrals. Critics also claimed the NACC lacked transparency with many concerns about its restrictive exceptional circumstances test covering public hearings.

Following the Voice referendum, the popularity of Detective Chief Superintendent Harry (Snapper) Organs soared amidst suggestions that the LNP coalition could even win the next federal election and oust the incumbent ALP government after just one term.

Anthony Albanese eventually announced a federal election would be held on 3^rd May 2025. The opposition’s campaign was a timid and lacklustre farce without any ferocity or determination. During a televised debate, its leader claimed the prime minister was incapable of lying straight in bed. The prime minister could quite easily have engaged in word association and responded with the terms pot, kettle and black.

Just several hours after the polls closed a bloodbath beckoned and the incumbent government recorded a landslide victory. The opposition leader lost his federal seat of Dickson and resigned, leaving many of his fawning acolytes gobsmacked amidst a trail of tears. The subsequent navel gazing amongst many neoliberal stalwarts and conservative think tanks claimed the party’s pusillanimous campaign lacked any venom. It failed to attack woke agendas or quit the Paris Agreement and abandon net zero. Other critics also mentioned the Trump Derangement Syndrome and the tariff wars, which were recently declared as extremely detrimental to the global economy by the Australian treasurer.

During the numerous autopsies the elephant in the room was never addressed or even mentioned. This involved the abject failure of free market fundamentalism and laissez faire economics with its deification of shareholder theory and regulatory or policy capture. The Hon. Pru Goward AO and the Hon. Nick Minchin AO were appointed to complete a review of their party’s disastrous performance. A draft document was released for internal review and comment but the former opposition leader claimed some of the inflammatory conclusions were defamatory.

Over the past five decades, the long march of neoliberalism witnessed greed transform from a vice into a virtue and accumulation of extraordinary wealth is now regarded as the pinnacle of human achievement. Following the global financial crisis, many acolytes of laissez faire economics admitted their entire intellectual edifice had collapsed. The solution of corporate welfare with its lucrative bailouts was merely feeding strawberries to a donkey and it transformed the protean elements of fascism into a dystopian paradigm of gangster capitalism. It was enabled by the Covid-19 pandemic, which was effectively creative destruction. Schumpeter’s gale merely expedited the out with the old and in with the new process and it is nonchalantly categorised as a cost of doing business.

Its trajectory and devastating consequences are evident throughout most advanced democracies with staggering inequality, widespread vagrancy, lawlessness, despair and anomie. Meanwhile the global economy resembles a house of cards precariously constructed across estuarine mudflats.

In just over two decades society has been transformed into a mass of indoctrinated consumers who are merely reproductions of Aldous Huxley’s deltas and epsilons. They have usurped responsible citizens and disregard any concept of critical thinking or discernment. Meanwhile, Miranda’s exclamation from The Tempest reverberates ……O brave new world that has such people in it.

Mallrats

This malaise is quite evident throughout our suburban shopping malls, which have degenerated into a purgatory of solipsism with a gallimaufry of passive vicarious entertainment. This is exacerbated by the putrid and permeating stench from a surplus of fast food outlets. Many of these retailers eke out an existence under predatory franchising contracts and provide operose McJobs to vulnerable migrants without any prospects of career development and the shit always runs downhill.

The horror usually begins in the multilevel carpark with frustrating attempts to secure a vacant car space. Extortionate parking fees that accrue after just two hours exacerbate the escalating anxiety. Most of the spots are occupied by sports utility vehicles (SUVs), which are typically purchased on credit through shadow banking under a creative and coercive financial agreement. Some of the leased vehicles are inevitably equipped with vanity registration plates.

Adjacent to the lifts or elevators and travelators, dispensing machines are strategically located on every level. The beguiling devices offer an extensive variety of overpriced sugar-laden soft drinks and junk food, which always includes chocolate and potato chips. This predatory strategy is replicated at public hospitals throughout our major cities and it comes as no surprise that obesity is endemic.

The food hall is crowded with pubescent Kim Kardashian clones who are invariably eating on the run or chewing gum and scrolling or screeching on smartphones. A distinctive lexicon of bimbo babble is restricted to terms such as cool, awesome, perfect or excellent, which aligns with the relentless neoliberal pursuit of perfection. It is occasionally interspersed with the ubiquitous adverb literally and supplemented by that infuriating phrase ……Have a good one mate.

Many of the sybaritic Lolitas are attired in their much younger sister’s clothing or scantily and provocatively clad in flimsy underwear with translucent panties that are a mere nanometre above the Plimsoll line. The playful kittens are often running to fat with bleached hair and black roots, a chiaroscuro of the underclass. This is invariably supplemented by slatternly body art that always includes dolphins or butterflies and it is occasionally accessorised with tacky jewellery protruding from almost every conceivable orifice.

Visits to the newsagent are reminiscent of storming the Falklands or embarking on a prolonged Antarctic expedition. Locating current affairs magazines such as The Spectator Australia, The Economist or The New Yorker is relatively simple but the checkout process rapidly degenerates into a frustrating clusterfuck. If the next lotto draw consists of a significant jackpot, the personal torment increases exponentially amidst a conga line of eager punters purchasing numerous permutations and combinations of countless tickets using debit or credit cards.

The probability of being gunned down by a deranged terrorist or getting run over in the car park by a grumpy old man (me) is much more likely than winning an enticing ten million dollar jackpot. Meanwhile, that infuriating slogan resonates like the neighbour’s two stroke lawn mower or chain saw early on a Sunday morning…. You’ve got to be in it to win it.

The next impediment is the commercially engineered visit to Coles or Woolworths, a supermarket duopoly that mimics the robber barons from the Gilded Age across the United States in the late 19^th century. Aesthetic displays of fresh organic produce are nothing more than genetically modified tasteless stodge trucked in from controlled atmosphere storage warehouses. Deceptive discounts are always offered on fast moving consumer commodities, especially personal health care products, which include toothpaste with a reduced sugar or salt content and 95% fat-free toilet rolls or hair conditioner.

Following the recent Johnson & Johnson asbestos contaminated talcum powder scandal, the US narcoterrorist issued a product recall for specifically identified batches. There was no immediate shortage of the commodity and it was enigmatically repackaged into different containers bearing the unique Woolworths or Coles logo.

The final and most excruciating obstacle is the artificial intelligence checkout section, which always involves conflict with the automated assistant who sounds like Penny Wong or Michaelia Cash on steroids. The only redeeming feature is the device is not yet programmed with bimbo babble and the behavioural economics or nudge theory argot fails to use vexatious expressions such cool, awesome, perfect or excellent and ……Have a good one mate.

On any Saturday morning, the indoctrinated canaille will encounter an inveigling marketing campaign at the confluence of the major shopping aisles. This often involves purchasing raffle tickets to win a classic motor vehicle with a free trip to Cabo San Lucas or Las Vegas, which is wetback dialect for lost wages. The promotion is supplemented by an amazing freak show featuring a biological male from the LGBTQ…. XYZ alphabet soup diaspora without a smartphone or body art.

Most consumers are shopping on credit for items that thrill for a moment and last for a nanosecond or maybe just a tad longer. This is accomplished using extortionate shadow banking schemes such as PayPal or Afterpay, which offer laissez faire loans without any requirements for deposits as additional security. Recent reports estimate pecuniary interests of this sector have increased to a staggering US$200 trillion. Moreover, it controls almost fifty percent of global financial assets. It is no longer a question of if this precarious structure collapses, it is just a matter of time and when it implodes there will be rivers of blood on the streets.

The expedition to the shopping mall concludes with a return to the car park and attempting to locate where your vehicle was parked and frantically hoping that you have not exceeded free parking restrictions. A visit to the dentist for root canal therapy without anaesthetic is much less painful and far easier on your wallet.