Networking Online: Risks, Rewards and Manners
Affairs of the heart will always be risky no matter what the courtship medium.
If you have ever been confused about dating "etiquette" in 2009, I'm here to tell you that for some people, there is none.
You are probably not surprised, as we are already living in a society where basic manners and general respect for others have gone on holidays and the dating scene, I'm sad to say, is showing no signs of improvement. People are becoming more selfish and spoilt, and in many cases, are far less bothered to treat you like a basic human being. I can't offer an explanation as to where the idea has come from that cancelling a date via a text message is acceptable.
The sheer number of "modern manners" guides that are available in book stores today shows we are dealing with an entirely new set of social rules and expectations (or perhaps there should be no expectations anymore?). I believe self-help and motivational books are fantastic for certain circumstances, and may be suited to particular people for particular issues – but what happens when you pick up a read that peddles a particular grand view of the world and makes you feel like you've taken about a hundred steps backwards?
I read one out of interest not too long ago, purely based on the recommendation of a close girlfriend (and not Oprah!). After flicking through and reading a select few words of "wisdom", it occurred to me why we might be sharing a society with so many dysfunctional, clueless individuals and a worrying divorce rate.
Do people actually place real value on this kind of thinking, keeping in mind the authors of this particular book are a comedian and a journalist? These are two people, out of billions, with no professional qualifications in understanding human psychology, trying to decode the mysteries of opposite sex interaction? They say men aren't complicated and don't send mixed messages to women – maybe not, but if not, why waste time writing a book about it? For something so apparently uncomplicated, people are clearly very confused.
Meeting potential friends or romantic interests in an online environment adds more complexity to the "what not to do / to do" list.
Social networking websites should be navigated with the same caution as other online activities such as internet banking transaction or a job application. It is a great way to observe and learn about human interaction in cyberspace, but even on the "safest" and most popular websites, personal security should be your first priority. The exercise, if nothing else, can offer excellent insight into how precarious it can be to get to know someone via a computer screen and how even the most savvy individual can give away private information without realising it.
A number of my friends and I have discussed the merits and traps of online dating. The prospect of exchanging personal details, sometimes unwittingly, via the medium seems to freak most people out. Who are these people after all? We have all seen and heard about the sticky situations people find themselves in on sites like Facebook, where unflattering photos, offensive wall posts and descriptive status updates have placed them in hot water. There is so much at risk when we invite our friends, family and colleagues into a space that exposes our most personal details and private moments.
Yet in this digital age, where social networking tools such as this have gained wider acceptance, a dating website in its most basic form can operate as just another networking tool. Some would argue it's simply another way of meeting people, using the technology we now have at our disposal. Yet there is a notable difference.
You are not shopping on e-Bay for a handbag, or paying a bill via B-pay – complete strangers are attempting to select a potential romantic interest from a photo (which may not be genuine) and based on a description which many people can either exaggerate or simply lie about. Deciding when it is okay to hand across identifying details – surname, mobile number, suburb of residence, employer, Facebook profile ID – can all be rather stressful decisions.
But would the devil's advocate have you believe that you can give away just as much personal detail via a business card exchange to a complete stranger in a pub? Could this be flirting with just as much danger?
Thanks to the internet, I think we can kiss goodbye the simplicities of courtship. Does a modern man really need to be told that it's a good idea to shower before a date? According to some of these motivational books, yes, some certainly do. Technology – not only computers, but mobile phones too – have made this part of our lives into a kind of science, converted a process that is supposed to be fun into a potentially risky venture. But what choice do we have? Maybe affairs of the heart will always be risky no matter what the courtship medium? All one can hope is that the rewards of connecting will outweigh the risks, so long as you mind your manners!
olgabodrova
January 30, 2009 at 2:23 am
Trust your own feelings, never self-help books
Whether we like it or not, online dating is here to stay and I know a few happy couples who found each other through the WWW. Certainly the risk of falling prey to someone dishonest is immensely higher on the internet than it is in real life, but hopefully people will eventually learn how to stay more vigilant and protect themselves online.
I think no self-help book or even previous experience can ever protect us from making mistakes and being hurt in the process, but that's what life is all about. Just like you said in your blog, affairs of the heart will always be risky no matter what the courtship medium, and that risk and that uncertainty are all part of the excitement. It's nothing to do with how good or accomplished we are, it's about being 'in the right place at the right time', embracing every opportunity, treating people with open heart and never giving up on the thought that your true love is just around the corner.
As for men's lack of personal grooming skills, blame their mothers. Basic hygiene is something we all learn in our childhood and our parents are our guides and role models.
sally.rose
February 2, 2009 at 12:06 am
In many ways socialising on
In many ways socialising on the internet is not that different to socilaising in real life.
Naturally private people tend to block their Facebook profile whereas a gregarious party animal is more likely to post where they're going on Friday night for public display.
The type of person who always would have been prone to start talking about the wedding after the first date is now more likely to trust somebody based on their online profile.
Just as some people will work the room at a party, whilst others of us sit in the corner only speaking to those friends we arrived with.
In either medium, the flesh or the ether, it is possible to make connections without leaving yourself vulnerable. I say possible because I've seen other people do it, but I've never really mastered this skill in either the offline or online world!!!
If anyone has the secret to charm and poise I'd be delighted to learn.
alison gordon
April 27, 2009 at 2:28 am
great explanation of why it’s so difficult!
Here is one way of looking at it….
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/lifematters/dating-anxiety-robs-womens-confidence-20090424-ahtc.html
steven1edword
July 10, 2012 at 9:56 am
online bookstore
As online shopping popularity is increased there are many options available for online shopping.I think this information may help and guide many online shoppers.Thanks for the information.